what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
