There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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