Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
