Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
