She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
