Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
