She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
