when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
