This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
