It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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