Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
