he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
