We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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