I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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