i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
