She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize