Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
