Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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