i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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