DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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