yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
