she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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