i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
