I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
