Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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