On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize