Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
