Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The air was thick with penises
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
