I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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