That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
