We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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