I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
