What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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