"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
