so that wasnt chicken after all
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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