Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
