She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
