You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
