Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
