i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
