Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize