Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
