Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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