omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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