I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
