Screwed.edu
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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