11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
