That's when you crack a 10am beer
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
