I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
