That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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