Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
