All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
