"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
