you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
