Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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