just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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