I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
