I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
