The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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