She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Threesome in a minivan. New low
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
