you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
