Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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