I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
