Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize