It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
did i just pee glitter
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
