So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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