I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
