I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
