just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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