took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
