So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
