dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
