Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
