you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
