No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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