Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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