Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
