worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
