Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
