well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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