hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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