I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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