guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
