Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
