My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize