Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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