she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
