I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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