So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
