what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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