WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
