So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
