She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
