I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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